Caterpillars Dilemma / Essay

Little did I know, that as a very young child in a young child’s unsuspecting mind, this awesome God we serve was at work planting four seeds as it were deep in the recesses of my being. As only he can do, and in the passage of time, much, much time he would periodically water each seed by allowing it to resurface. And each time that it did it would take on new and deeper significance in it’s understanding to me. We will look at only one in this chapter, the other three will have to wait.


As I stated, as a very young boy, possibly as early as five or six I began to have a reoccurring dream. It would be impossible to put a number on how often, but it was many, many times. There was nothing really profound about this dream, but the story line repeated itself several time in a single dream. In this dream I was a very cumbersome creature with a very slow-moving body. It was only much later that I realized in fact that I was a caterpillar. While enjoying my afternoon stroll suddenly and out of nowhere a predator would be in hot pursuit of me. In a near panic I would try my best to make my many legs to run faster, to no avail.to my surprise just as I was about to become lunch for my new enemy, suddenly and unexpectedly I would sprout wings and fly away unharmed. In total amazement I now would find myself with my new wings. I was totally enthralled in this new learning process of something previously limited to the birds, and other flying creatures. Once again unexpectedly, and out of nowhere a new predator, only now with wings would come into focus. Just at the moment of impact suddenly I would become much more adept at flying with my new wings and begin to rise above rooftops, than powerlines, and then out of dangers way.


As I previously stated, the story line would repeat itself until I was far above the treetops, and eventually reaching the clouds. The one thing that I can remember, almost as if it were this very day. Upon my awakening I would feel an incredible sense of exhilaration which would last for hours.


Every child by nature has fears, and certainly I was no different. I was however ever so slowly beginning to get the message hidden in this dream. It wasn’t long before my fear of the dark, or of a monster lurking just under my bed ready to snatch my finger of I lowered my arm down to the floor. Slowly these fears began to dissipate, yes indeed I was learning to face my fears. Not by running scared, but by facing them. I was also beginning to learn in my child’s perspective that it was God giving me the tools, or wings in this case to deal with these fears. In its infancy I can comfortably say now that I was learning to soar far above my peers in life. Many kinds of fears are simply debilitating, people often spend their lifetime in the clutches of these fears. The fear of what people think of us quite often keeps a person in chains for a lifetime. This is called the fear of man. There are fears however that are our friends also. If we didn’t have the fear of falling, we would be jumping out of airplanes without parachutes. If we didn’t have a healthy fear of fire, the fire department would have to triple in size because of our carelessness. As unpopular as it is, I have had to learn the hard way, that the fear of the lord is the beginning. The beginning of what, I asked, answer…. the passageway to true freedom called wisdom. It just so happens that wisdom is the commodity that we need the most if we are going to walk in a way that is pleasing to the Lord. If you are void of true wisdom it might be said that you are a reprobate. Just ask Ananias, and Sapphira if the fear of the lord is optional. To be void of the fear of the lord is the same as being a ship without a rudder in a raging storm. We shall revisit these truths throughout our pilgrimage together. Allow me to state now the beauty of the lord. He does not require us to face our Goliath without ample preparation. Let me also say in the same breath that there is a direct correlation between the dirth of false teachings, and the absence of the fear of the lord in our society.


That poem that follows this essay, titled “Caterpillars Dilemma” much to my surprise was written at the tender age of fifty-six. It was penned under the unction of the holy spirit while being incarcerated for the first time as an adult. From God’s perspective it was now time for my Goliath. I had not considered my childhood dream in probably fifty years. None the less it was abundantly clear after its completion that the seeds of this poem can be directly traced back to my recurring childhood dream. God! Was about the business in my life of bringing the meaning of being an “Overcomer” to new mega heights. This poem is very much about the struggles and pain, which we are predestined by God’s design to endure, and emerge through victorious while casting off the many voices that would seek to keep us in chains.


Allow me to give you that much as a teaser, if I make the promise to tie all the pieces of this tapestry together. In my humble opinion it is the incredibly beautiful saga of God’s faithfulness to me, which is also intended for your edification. May Gods spirit illuminate your understanding, perhaps to new levels never before seen by you.


All my love. Billy.